"Tender-Headed or Tired of Being Hurt?" Rethinking How We Talk About Hair Pain in Black Children
- Kanisha Tillman
- 7 days ago
- 3 min read
We’ve all heard it—“She’s just being dramatic,” or “You’re too tender-headed for ALL THAT HAIR!!”
But what if the problem isn’t the child?What if the real issue is how we were taught to care for their crown? At Tutus & Tennis Shoes, we believe that tender-headedness is real—but it’s also
misunderstood.
Yes, some kids are more sensitive than others. Some give award winning performances. But many aren’t soley being dramatic—they’re reacting to more than slight discomfort. It is real pain caused by the wrong techniques, wrong tools, or rushed, tension-heavy styling.
And truthfully? You can’t tell the difference between drama and genuine discomfort until you learn how to properly care for textured hair.
What Is Tender-Headedness?
Tender-headedness is a heightened sensitivity of the scalp. Some kids are born with nerve-dense scalps or low pain thresholds. Others have sensitive areas due to dryness, inflammation, trauma, or even poor styling habits from the past.
Pain isn’t just physical—it’s emotional, too. When hair care is approached with dread, harsh tools, or force, children learn to flinch. They don’t trust the process. That’s not just drama—that’s trauma.
6 Tips to Make Hair Day Easier for Tender-Headed Kids (and Adults)
Use the Right Tools- A flexible detangling brush or wide-tooth comb reduces pulling on the scalp. We love the Crown Care Brush for this exact reason—it glides through textured hair without yanking.
Moisturize Before You Touch It- Use a water-based leave-in conditioner or aloe primer spray to soften hair and add slip. Dry detangling causes breakage and pain.
Warm Oil Treatments Work Wonders- A little coconut or olive oil and a warm towel can soften knots and hydrate the scalp, making detangling easier and less painful.
Scalp Massage Before Styling- Gently massaging the scalp increases blood flow and loosens tension, helping tender-headed children relax before the process begins.
Leave-In Isn’t Optional- A lightweight leave-in conditioner keeps the hair soft between styles, reduces tangles, and makes maintenance less painful overall.
Real People Doing Real Healing
This isn’t just theory—there are professionals in the community leading with tenderness and care. Two that stand out:
Robyn Sledge – Nouritress Hair & Scalp Clinic, Atlanta GA
Robyn is a certified trichologist who specializes in hair loss, scalp sensitivity, and education for parents. She combines science-backed care with emotional awareness, especially for children coming from trauma or high-sensitivity households.
“When someone flinches at the brush, that tells me something deeper is going on—emotionally or physically. My job is to listen, not rush.”Follow her at @nouritress
Barber Spotlight: Jahmal "Mr. Chill" Taylor – Los Angeles, CA
Known for his quiet shop and gentle hands, Mr. Chill works with kids on the autism spectrum, many of whom struggle with sensory overload. He uses noise-reduction headphones, warm towels, and patient pacing for every cut.
“Respecting their comfort is more important than getting a perfect fade.”
You can find him at @MrChillCutz for updates on his community workshops and grooming classes for foster dads.
Let’s Shift the Culture
Being “tender-headed” shouldn’t be a punchline. It shouldn’t be a reason to shame, mock, or rush through a child’s care.
Let’s shift from:
“Stop acting up,” to → “Are you okay? What hurts? On a scale of 1-10, which number would you use to tell me how much it hurts? ”
“They so sensitive,” to → “Let’s figure out a better way. But we have to work together. ”
Because when we treat their hair with love, we teach them they’re worth gentle care.That message stays with them far longer than any style ever will.
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